Thursday, 10 November 2011

I have a 30 piece bongo band in my head and just know they will be in residence for at least a week if not more! I feel like my head is in a vice and someone is tightening it up and up and up. There is nothing I can do now but bear it and wait for it to pass. All the tablets in the world won't move it, I know I've tried.
 
I have no energy either, I put the DLA form on hold and haven't even looked at it in over a week. My body clock is all back to front again and I am falling asleep at 9am. I have tried lying down early but just lie there awake for hours and hours. I have things I need to do but can't do them at night when everyone else is asleep so they just don't get done.
 
I feel totally useless at the moment. I wish there was some sort of energy tab I could take, just to get me through the day, to do what I need to then I can get back into a normal sleep pattern. It happens like this all the time, I get back into a routine for a few weeks then slowly it works itself out and I am up all night and asleep all day!!
 
On a happy note I got all the Christmas presents bought online so my part is done and DH has the fun job of wrapping it all.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Fibrofog infers a time when you get muddled and eventually it clears and things are back to "normal". Which is why I am terrified I haven't got brainfog at all and it is in fact early onset dementia or alzheimers.

I am having memory lapses and even when people tell me what happened I have absolutely no recollection of events at all, and now it is scaring me.
Two incidences in as many days and I am really starting to freak myself out. I had some ice cream while watching TV with my DH and when he was going out of the room I went to hand him the bowl to put in the kitchen. NO BOWL??? He hadn't seen what I had done with it so helped me look under cushions and blankets etc and nope it wasn't there. Then my DS tells me I had given it to him earlier why did I not remember that?
Today sorting out paperwork for the damn DLA form and put an envelope to one side and file later, yeah you got it it's disappeared off into the ether somewhere. I have looked and looked till I am driving myself insane and just can't find it.
It is so frustrating and scary all at the same time. If anyone is reading this and they have fibro and this sounds like them please let me know as I am scared the men in the white coats are gonna come and drag me off.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

I am supposed to be filling in a DLA renewal form. Form that's a laugh for a start it is huge, more like a book than a form. I hate it when they land on the doormat. Instant stress just add benefit claims.
They have to be hand written and I can no longer write a full sentence. My hand aches, my arm locks, it is totally illegible and I can never fit what I want to say in the box provided.
I have to write as if the person reading the form has no idea about the disability. Which is true anyway as you find out if you ever phone the "help" line, they haven't got a clue.
I have to include every small detail known to man including who wipes my arse and how often. Is it in the day or night, how long does it take them and on and on and on the incessent questions all the same just worded differently.
Now we have the added stress of the "Benefits Shakeup" which basically means they want to throw 20% of claimants off benefit to lower the bill. They don't care if you are ill or not. If they can find a loophole or a dodgy doctor *cough *cough to say you are a big fat liar then you get the nope sorry we don't believe you pack in the door but you can appeal.
Appealing means yet more forms, and doctors, and a stressful interview in front of a panel of people, who whether they like the look of you or not decide on your fate. I am not exaggerating for those of you who may be reading this from abroad. There are people as I type killing themselves rather than face their life with no benefits.
At this present moment all that is put on a back burner as this form has to be done whether I like it or not. So the plan is type a little bit every night when/if I am thinking straight. Then I will print it all off and stick it to the form as there is no way I can fill it in, in pen.
Makes me laugh though, they send these forms to people who are disabled and not capable of working, yet they expect a 34 page form of intricate detailed knowledge about your disability and how it affects you in legible handwriting in two weeks. FFS if I could do that I would have a bloody job!

Friday, 7 October 2011

There is an old saying that goes something like "Of all the things I've lost in life I miss my mind the most". That just about sums me up at the moment. I have the attention span of a goldfish and the memory of a newborn.


My major problem is remembering to take medication. Which again tonight has been no exception. I think oh I will just finish this and.........oh wow look at that website...........what did I want to do? Oh well can't be important. Half an hour later oh yeah tablets I will take them after I have been to the loo..........wash hands oh we are running out of soap will write a post it note on the laptop. An hour later I am sure I was gonna do something?? Ummmmmmm???


Three hours later wow it is 5 o'clock in the morning again and I am wiiiiiiiiiiiiide awake I wonder .....................AGHHHHHHH take the damn tablets woman!!!!!


On a good note it is pouring rain and freezing, so happy autumn has finally arrived. That freak Indian summer thing was killing me I was literally melting and had to change clothes three or more times a day and shower all the time. It drained every last ounce of energy I had and I got nothing done the entire time.


So now I have finally taken the tablets and they won't kick in for hours so I may as well stay up and greet the rest of the house as it wakes and have breakfast for a change!

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Introduction

My introduction to this blog is just this. I am a woman with Fibromyalgia and I will tell you what day to day life is like for me. I am not looking for sympathy I just need to write things down to get them out of my system so I am not unloading on my family.