Saturday, 20 July 2019


Been feeling beaten and bruised by the UK benefits system lately.

Both my son (autistic) and I (Fibromyalgia etc) have lost our benefits because some lying PIP assessor "thinks" we don't have the problems we say we do.

Thankfully my daughter (autistic) has received hers and by rights I should re-apply for my son and myself but I just haven't felt up to it.

I slept over 24 hours woke up and was yawning, how is that living a life?

The PIP assessors do all they can to belittle you and kick any sort of fight out of you. They get bonuses for kicking as many people as possible off benefits! So much for a caring society!

Yesterday I heard one of my favourite singers sing this and the words spoke to me.

The DWP want nothing more than to keep us quiet. They want us beaten down and broken and sorry but God gave me a gob for a reason and I intend to use it.

See if these lyrics speak to you and enjoy Carrie Hope Fletcher's rendition of the song....

Here comes a wave
Meant to wash me away
A tide that is taking me under
Swallowing sand
Left with nothing to say
My voice drowned out in the thunder
But I won't cry
And I won't start to crumble
Whenever they try
To shut me or cut me down
I won't be silenced
You can't keep me quiet
Won't tremble when you try it
All I know is I won't go speechless
'Cause I'll breathe
When they try to suffocate me
Don't you underestimate me
'Cause I know that I won't go speechless
Written in stone
Every rule, every word
Centuries old and unbending
Stay in your place
Better seen and not heard
But now that story is ending
'Cause I
I cannot start to crumble
So come on and try
Try to shut me and cut me down
I won't be silenced
You can't keep me quiet
Won't tremble when you try it
All I know is I won't go speechless
Let the storm in
I cannot be broken
No, I won't live unspoken
'Cause I know that I won't go speechless
Try to lock me in this cage
I won't just lay me down and die
I will take these broken wings
And watch me burn across the sky
And it echoes saying I
Won't be silenced
No you will not see me tremble when you try it
All I know is I won't go speechless
'Cause I'll breathe
When they try to suffocate me
Don't you underestimate me
'Cause I know that I won't go speechless
All I know is I won't go speechless
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Alan Menken / Benj Pasek / Justin Paul

Monday, 29 April 2019

Help me I'm drowning!

I am screaming at the top of my lungs.

I am asking everyone and anyone.

No one wants to help!

What am I supposed to do?

My husband and I moved to his home town in South Yorkshire from North Wales by the sea. Where we had met and married while working at Butlins. We decided to move because there was very little work when Haven took over the camp unless you spoke Welsh. Within a week of arriving here my husband had a full time job and I ran the house.

This to me shouts we are not benefit scrounging scum or shirkers or whatever else the press and tories want to call the sick and disabled. We wanted to work we wanted to make something for ourselves. We wanted to buy our council house and move up the ladder. The week after the papers were signed my husband had an accident at work and broke his back.

Our son and then our daughter were diagnosed as autistic and I think all the stress finally came out in me and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

My fibro has progressed from my diagnosis in 2003 and now I am bedroom bound in constant pain and haven't left the house in over three years. Over three years ago I asked my doctor for stronger pain killers and he said no. Recently after getting access to my medical records online (which consists of a few blood tests and very little else) I saw a letter the lady at the pain clinic wrote to my GP insinuating I was a junkie looking for a fix as I didn't think counselling would help my pain.

I am stuck in a bedroom 24/7 with no hope of ever getting out of here and of nothing ever changing you can read why here.

Then I saw Carly Barton on the TV and in the paper looking for a cannabis amnesty for people with chronic pain and I was so happy that maybe finally I could do something to ease my pain and maybe just maybe get my life back.

So off I went to her website to sign up and to my dismay the only people who can join are those who have received a prescription from a specialist clinician! So I wrote her a long email explaining my situation and how I am now turning to drink to dull the senses as I can't cope anymore and the reply was
"Hi Jools, so sorry to hear about your troubles with your health. I hope you can find another doctor that is willing to help you. All the best"

So it appears if you already have great doctors helping you she will help you, but if you really need help tough!

I am at my wits end and really not sure how much longer I can cope with all I have to deal with.
On top of all the pain and fatigue depression and desperation I am being hounded by the DWP.

My son was assessed to swap from DLA to PIP he received 2 points, asked for a mandatory reconsideration and got the same answer, went to a tribunal with is Dad as I am too sick and lost his money.

I was assessed whilst sitting in my bed received 2 points, asked for a mandatory reconsideration and got the same answer, filled in the online form for the tribunal which I am too sick to attend so will probably lose my money too.

Have just had the letter from the DWP for my daughter to attend an assessment and to say I am not holding out any hope of her keeping her money is an understatement.

I have been told by citizens advice there are NO ADVOCATES where we live that can help us in any capacity.

So we are losing what we need to live on. 
I am not living at all!
Welcome to Tory Britain 2019
What am I supposed to do?

Friday, 5 April 2019

Before Fibromyalgia

Before Fibromyalgia...

I worked all day and partied all night.

I walked everywhere miles and miles.

I loved Karaoke at the pub.

I home schooled my children.

I cooked.

I ran a house.

I had long soaks in a bubble bath.

I was invited to join MENSA.

I got every job I ever applied for.

I did all the painting in my homes.

I played with my children.

I read books.

I watched films.

I had long conversations.

I ran up the stairs two at a time.

I went shopping.

I went on holiday.

I looked forward to the weekends.

I remembered people's names and Birthdays.

I was a barmaid.

I was a receptionist.

I was a go-kart supervisor at Butlins.

I sold advertising space for newspapers.

I was a Wife.

I had a life!!!

Tuesday, 19 February 2019

Another Fibromyalgia Poem 2019

Banging head, Sore Eyes
Sitting here, Time flies
In pain life dies
No work no fun
Trying hard nothing done
Another day the same one

And they say
They're all at home faking
While the worlds waking
And taking care of all things
That they say they won't do
They're wasters on payments
That they get taking and faking
While we work for less than them

PIP Claims, Lose Lives
Assessment is all lies
Why bother just die
We hurt, we fight
Worse time at night
Long tunnel no light

And they say
They're all at home faking
While the worlds waking
And taking care of all things
That they say they won't do
They're wasters on payments
That they get taking and faking
While we work for less than them

Thanks to Ed Sheeren's A Team for the inspiration

Monday, 4 February 2019

Beating Type 2 Diabetes and fighting the DWP for PIP

The lovely Lee from the FibroBloggers Directory (who has been soooo supportive and understanding of me not doing posts) suggested that I did an update to my last post. 

I rarely think anyone would be interested in how I do things. I had my eyes tested recently they come to my house now which is great (as I haven't been out in over 3 years now) and were soooo interested in Keto and the 800 calorie thing so looks like Lee was right.

It was Michael Mosley who came up with the 800 calorie diet you can see his site HERE. Most people ate proper food and calorie counted but as I said in my last post as my husband does the cooking now I thought it would make life easier to eat slim fast bars which are already calorie counted.

I ate three and a half bars a day, some days I had four if I was hungrier. It was easy for me as I am bedroom bound and not very active and was determined to do it and had no temptations.

After the 10 weeks doing that I went keto. I am what is known as lazy Keto as I don't count my macros and obsess over things. I just eat very low (under 20g) carbs, moderate protein and lots of good fats. 

I am now starting week 21 on keto and have lost one and a half stone (21lbs) mainly at the start and just maintaining now. Have binned the diabetes meds and feel so much better to be in control of something in my life.

It really annoys me when people are told when diagnosed with diabetes that it's progressive. People are told all the wrong information on diet as well which is so frustrating. All we hear on the TV is the obesity and diabetes crisis and they could stop it by giving people the tools to combat it.

They refuse to give type 2 diabetics blood sugar testing strips (I have had to buy them myself) or any help. I had to do this myself with no backing from the GP who I never go to see anymore as I don't see the point.

I am still feeling full when I eat and enjoying my food. I have recently added a "bread" to my food as I missed toast. It's made from peanut butter who knew!!
In the meantime I am still fighting the DWP for PIP. The press have the country believing they are weeding out frauds from the system which couldn't be further from the truth.

They are killing people and they don't care. I have two autistic children, my husband is also autistic as well as other mental health issues and then there is me.

They stopped my son's money and we have been waiting for a date to go to tribunal to get it back which has just arrived. They stopped my money and I am still waiting to hear back about my Mandatory Reconsideration and the letter to say my daughter now has to apply for PIP turned up.

I feel like buckaroo and wonder how much more stress I can take before I break. I am not alone, thousands and thousands of people are in the same boat being hounded when they are sick and can't cope with it all!!

When I get to the end of all this I will come back and let you know how things went.
But for now
Thanks for reading
(if you did)

Friday, 19 October 2018

Where have I been?

Hi All thought it was about time I explained where I am and what is going on.

I decided to try and take control of my diabetes as I have no control over the Fibromyalgia.

As you all know Fibro is depressing enough without anything else going on.
I was so low because I am still stuck in bed all day in a bedroom never leaving the house and then having to watch every single thing I ate was just soul destroying.

I saw a TV programme where a group of diabetics went on an 8 week 800 calorie diet to reverse their diabetes and I thought I could do that.
So I did.

I decided it would be easier for my husband if I just ate Slim fast bars as I could control the calories without too much messing around. For the first two weeks I at the snacks and drinks too as I didn't realise I had to count the carbs too duh!

Anyhoo 10 weeks later I had my numbers under control and decided then to go Keto. I have been vegetarian for 2 years and low carbing as a vegetarian who is not married to a chef was miserable.

I am now 4 weeks into the Keto and feeling full all the time and enjoying my meals so I'm happy. I was worried about the IBS coming back with a vengeance but so far so good.

I did want to do a video on my YouTube Channel but my computer died recently. My son tried all sorts but in the end had to clear everything and reinstall windows 10. 

That now means there is no windows movie maker so I have no way of making videos at the moment.

Might be a good thing as I got my husband to shave my head in the summer as I was too hot. It's now growing back and won't lie down so I look like the love child of Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Ken Dodd LOL.

I hope to get the video thing sorted soon
But till then
Thanks for reading
(if you did)