Sunday, 4 June 2017

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!


I am about to have a party for one!
A pity party to be exact.
I know other people have it worse, and I know there are terrible things happening in the world.
However, on a rare occasion, I just want to wail and tonight is the night.
If you think you will get pissed off by this feel free to give it a miss

Tonight I sat here and sent a card to a beautiful young lady and her Fianceé who are getting married soon. They have all their life in front of them and understandably are pretty damn excited.

Today the Fianceé's sister announced she is pregnant and her baby is due in December, she is getting married next year. Their Brother and his Fianceé is also getting married this year and the invite is on the way.

Then a Friend from when I worked at Butlins is getting married in August and wanted me and the family to go.

So why the pity party I hear you ask?
Because I can't go to any of them. My heart is breaking that I won't get to see any of them on their special days and will have to make do with photos and videos on Facebook.

Then, of course, the age-old complaint of hating this house and where we live. I looked in areas around where my cousins live out of curiosity to see if my son would have more joy job hunting and there were loads of opportunities.

Could we afford a house there?............NO
Could we afford to rent there?.........NO

I am sick of being sick and missing out on everything. My son was 21 over two weeks ago and we still haven't been able to get out for a meal to celebrate it because of Fibro.

It will be my 22nd wedding anniversary in two days and that will come and go without anything happening to break the monotony!

I could scream I am so sick of this.
I am going to go have a shower now because 
1. I am too damn hot again and
2. No one can catch me crying!!

Thanks for reading 
(if you did)
Normal service will resume soon.


Thursday, 25 August 2016

It's not all mobility cars and carers :0(

Where do I start?

I was thinking the other day after being scalded for the third time in one shower that a lot of people have a warped idea of disability in this country.

They think it's all free cars and parking and home helps and sunshine! That couldn't be further from the truth!

My husband and children are autistic. My husband had an accident at work and broke his back. Several specialists have told him he will never work again. Then I have Fibromyalgia which in turn gave me Type 2 Diabetes and other issues.

I applied to the council for help and asked for a bedroom downstairs (as I have been stuck in this room upstairs for over 8 years now) and a wet room. They gave me the run around for a year saying I had been approved for the grant but would have to wait to get to the top of the list, so I wait a year then they tell me the £31,000 won't cover what I need and I have no money to add to the grant so I am still stuck in the bedroom.

We applied in the past too with the backing of my daughters specialist for a walk in bath with a shower over it. The bitch (that is the nicest word I could think of) who came out to assess us first said oh we don't do anything for people who stay upstairs, and finished with "can I just check she has got legs and can walk" regarding my daughter.

Fast forward to now and my daughter is now 13 and needs help to wash her hair. She has to cover up with a towel while my husband does it in stages as he can't bend down for long. I tried it and was in agony for days after. I can't teach her to shower herself for fear of her being burnt. If someone in outer mongolia turns their tap on while I am in the shower off goes the cold and you can picture the rest. Taking into account I am on a shower stool and can't move quickly you can understand my frustration.

We asked Yorkshire water to fix the problem and because we own our house apparently we have to pay roughly £1,500 to them to run a pipe to our boundary then we have to pay yet another plumber to do the rest, which I assume will be another couple of thousand!

So while the people out there think the disabled have things handed to them on a plate I am here to prove that just isn't true.

We are living in a house that doesn't work for us with no hope of improvement or moving, seeing my days out stuck in a bedroom in a house I hate. This house isn't worth enough to sell and buy a bungalow which would suit all four of us. If we sold it to rent we would lose our benefits and would have to spend all the money on rent and living expenses till we had none then claim again for benefits. I pray everyday for a lotto win, not that I am greedy I just want to get the hell out of this house!

Thanks for reading this far (if you did)
Just wanted to show the real picture of disability in Yorkshire!
Hugs :0)

Monday, 4 July 2016

Is this a Fibromyalgia flare?

I finally got diagnosed with Fibro in 2003 but had symptoms years longer than that.

I was slow on finding support groups online and had no one else to discuss it with.

One thing I did see people talking about was when they were having "Flares". I had no idea what they meant as I felt like death warmed up most days and everything was such a struggle. They said that they were unable to do anything and that is me everyday almost.

Until this last week that is. We had to take our Daughter to A&E and had a 3 hour wait to see the nurse and then a wait to see the doctor. The chairs were not the most comfortable and there was a baby screaming the place down the entire time.

I thought I had done quite well until I went to bed on Monday night and didn't get up till Wednesday morning! Then again went to sleep half way through Wednesday woke up for a bit then went to sleep till Friday spent all morning yawning and went back to sleep and missed yet another day!!

I miss the odd day here and there but to be washed out for an entire week (and I still don't feel right this week either) has thrown me I must say. I already feel useless and this made me feel 100 times worse.

It seems all I do is sleep these days and the least thing is a major struggle. So am I having a Flare and how long do they last?

Thanks for reading (if you did )