Tuesday, 29 January 2013

All I want is to be left alone is that too much to ask for?

Had to cancel my nurse appointment again!! Didn't get to sleep till 6am and then when hubby woke me at 9 my head felt like it was going to explode and every part of my body was in agony. Went back to sleep and didn't wake again until 11pm!!!

So now of course it is 4am and I am still wide awake with the head from hell and know it will be hours before I sleep again. I am so sick of my body clock being the wrong way round. I have tried making myself stay up all the way round but the pain is immense and then I get a second wind round 9pm and am up all night again!! Anyone got any bright ideas? My Doc says no to anything I ask for so sleeping tablets are out of the question. I have tried hot drinks and showers and hot water bottles. Sleep masks, lavender sprays etc etc.

In the wee small hours when I can't sleep and my brain is whirring I have been helping the fight for the disabled. I tweet and Facebook about the wow petition and anything else I can to help. Last night though I suddenly thought what is the point?

I have realised that I may as well be trying to make the tone deaf sing as get healthy people to back a campaign for the disabled. 1 there is all the shite the government and media print about us being feckless scroungers who are all fit for work but choose a life on benefit while they are working we are sleeping yadda yadda. 2. That the truly NEEDY are being looked after and only the liars will lose benefit. But the main stumbling block is the fact that they are healthy.

There is no point in me wasting what little energy I have and getting stressed about what is happening and trying to convince people what is really happening because they don't care! I'M ALL RIGHT JACK. They have no understanding of our life and don't want to understand. They are working hard and getting screwed and as much as they would like to be compassionate they can't muster up the enthusiasm as their life is crap too.

Someone posted on Facebook how they would like to have nights out more, and I nearly posted wow haven't had a night out in 12 years but then I am not supposed to am I. I am disabled and on benefit I am not allowed to go out or eat nice food or watch TV. I should be in the work house eating gruel! I hate this life with everyone judging me. I would gladly swap my disabilities with anyone for one week just to see how quickly they hand them back.

All I want is to be left alone is that too much to ask for?

Thursday, 24 January 2013

I got out!!

Got out of the house today. Oh before you get the banners out it was nothing special. I went as far as the local ASDA to have an eye test with my hubby and daughter. We also wanted to get birthday cards and let her pick a cake as she is 10 tomorrow, well today if you want to be penickity as it is now 04.36am.

My eyes have been bad all my life and recently have the added problem of now needing reading glasses as well as seeing glasses, could also do with finding my glasses glasses but they don't seem to do them!

I picked up some tippex and a glass chopping board for my Micke table so hopefully can cover the marks and make sure there are no more!! Then I had my eye test and she suggested varifocals!! OMG I am officially OLD!! I have the grey hair, and the rickity hips and knees and now the varifocals UGH, it was them or seeing ones and readers hung round my neck like a crap accessory.

The assistant helped me pick bigger glasses so there is more room for the lens to change. She had to help me as I can see bugger all without my glasses and hubby was in with the optician and madam. I chose lilac, no surprise there lol. I think they will look ok but to be honest I am now past caring. If I can go out in public with my wire wool halo undyed a pair of crap glasses won't phase me.

Was just sat thinking about when I had my daughter. Seems like only yesterday when I was on the trolley waiting to go into theatre and the girl behind me was trying to queue jump by offering me bribes lol. It was all over so quick and there she was all red faced scrunched up and screaming, and of course hubby and I were all red faced and crying. Hard to believe she will be 10!

She has been my little star and always makes me laugh. She has the kindest heart of any child I have ever met and for an autistic child that is saying a lot. She caught sight of her presents in my room tonight and said wow are all those for me? She never expects anything and rarely asks for anything and is always so happy for anything she is given. I am looking forward to the next 10 years to see what type of young lady she grows into.

Anyhoo should get some sleep I suppose. If only you know how funny that was, I had about an hour last night and am still wide awake. Maybe I should have picked up some chloroform??!!

:0) xxxJoolsxxx

Sunday, 20 January 2013


Sorry for screaming but just had to get that out of my system.

Tonight has not been a good night. For those of you who don't know I am disabled, and for those who know I am disabled I have a make up addiction. I have a very small space to store my collection and recently decided to get rid of the old clumpy computer table and filing cabinet and get something practical.

I purchased some Alex drawers from Ikea and a Micke desk and set about organising myself.

This has/is a sloooooooow painful process as I have to be feeling sort of ok which isn't everyday. Then when I do I can't do too much. In between I have put my back out...............well you get the picture.

Tonight I took a mad fit to move some more stuff and opened my Alex. Inside the drawers was black on the sides and backs of the drawers to say I was annoyed is an understatement. We have a mould problem in this house and have a de-humidifier in the bedroom collecting 2 litres a day!! I was gutted thinking it was mould but we think it is dust the unit is blowing out!!

Soooooooo me sat on a stool and a packet of baby wipes set to cleaning all the drawers and the vent and filter on the de-humidifier. Fingers crossed setting the vent to swing instead of being fixed may help the problem. So as I cleaned I got more things into the drawers off the table.

Then came annoyance number 2 on the desk that I haven't even sat at yet has two bloody scratches and all you can see is brown (it is a white table) bangs head on wall. I am so pissed off it isn't even funny. I was so looking forward to finally getting to sit at the desk and paint my nails, or maybe put some make up on, which I haven't been able to do for years as everything is in tubs all over the place. I could have cried.

I tried a BarryM white polish but it isn't very opaque and it needed so much to cover that there was a visible lump. I am hoping that tippex may do it keep your fingers crossed. I know I will more than likely have a towel covering it when I am doing anything anyway but it is just so damn annoying to have something ruined before you have even had the chance to use it.

It may still be months (and the rest) before I actually get to sit down and play with my things so hopefully the brainfog will make me forget it ever happened LOL. 

See ya next time

xxxJoolsxxx :0)