Tuesday, 29 January 2013

All I want is to be left alone is that too much to ask for?

Had to cancel my nurse appointment again!! Didn't get to sleep till 6am and then when hubby woke me at 9 my head felt like it was going to explode and every part of my body was in agony. Went back to sleep and didn't wake again until 11pm!!!

So now of course it is 4am and I am still wide awake with the head from hell and know it will be hours before I sleep again. I am so sick of my body clock being the wrong way round. I have tried making myself stay up all the way round but the pain is immense and then I get a second wind round 9pm and am up all night again!! Anyone got any bright ideas? My Doc says no to anything I ask for so sleeping tablets are out of the question. I have tried hot drinks and showers and hot water bottles. Sleep masks, lavender sprays etc etc.

In the wee small hours when I can't sleep and my brain is whirring I have been helping the fight for the disabled. I tweet and Facebook about the wow petition and anything else I can to help. Last night though I suddenly thought what is the point?

I have realised that I may as well be trying to make the tone deaf sing as get healthy people to back a campaign for the disabled. 1 there is all the shite the government and media print about us being feckless scroungers who are all fit for work but choose a life on benefit while they are working we are sleeping yadda yadda. 2. That the truly NEEDY are being looked after and only the liars will lose benefit. But the main stumbling block is the fact that they are healthy.

There is no point in me wasting what little energy I have and getting stressed about what is happening and trying to convince people what is really happening because they don't care! I'M ALL RIGHT JACK. They have no understanding of our life and don't want to understand. They are working hard and getting screwed and as much as they would like to be compassionate they can't muster up the enthusiasm as their life is crap too.

Someone posted on Facebook how they would like to have nights out more, and I nearly posted wow haven't had a night out in 12 years but then I am not supposed to am I. I am disabled and on benefit I am not allowed to go out or eat nice food or watch TV. I should be in the work house eating gruel! I hate this life with everyone judging me. I would gladly swap my disabilities with anyone for one week just to see how quickly they hand them back.

All I want is to be left alone is that too much to ask for?

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